Greetings of the Season from Turbot!

Hello, everyone! Marlene & Arthur here! Christmas is rolling upon us so we thought we’d send you this little article. It appeared in the Weekend Edition of the Turbot Tribune. We hope it helps you and yours have a safe 25th! Talk to you soon. (We have to go shopping!)

Love,
M & A

A Safe Xmas

Everybody enjoys Christmas. It’s the one time of the year when you can really be yourself (or somebody else). You can really just have just a great, great time. Wow! This is a time for everyone, stinky and non-stinky alike.

Certain features of the holiday, however, can be quite lovely but dangerous. Let me give you a list.

-The time to buy gifts is before December 24. Do not rush out on the 24th willy-nilly trying to buy. Especially if you’re drunk.

-A tree is a great addition to any house but do not light real candles on it. They can flame up and kill everyone. Death is a tough sin to wash off the hands.

-Enjoy eggnog in limited quantities. That’s a lot of egg, that’s a lot of nog. And, you’ll throw up all over yourself if you have too much.

-Lights are nice. They blink, they don’t, and they’re very festive. But, do not wrap them around a cat. Cats are unpredictable creatures with a penchant for running away. Lights are electrical objects with a penchant for electrocuting living beings.

-Presents are wonderful. But, don’t give gay. Nothing ruins a holiday more than getting a gift that clearly was not thought out beforehand. Consider whom you’re buying for before you buy.

-Fruitcake is a caring and traditional gift but no one eats it.

-If you’ve eaten too much at dinner, take five...and then eat some more.

-Do not drink the tree water.

And, last but not least,

-Santa’s boo-boo’s are for thankin’, not for yankin’.

Have a HAPPY HOLIDAY!