Everyone, listen up!
I have finally finished my intensive survey of Folk Stories across America. It's been eight years in the making and it will make Thomas Lombardo III's previous study look as obsolete as the original McDLT technology from the 1980's.
Why do you want to know this?, you ask yourself. Let me tell you... Turbot! That's why. I have spent two solid weeks with the five old men who hang out at the Turbot Diner on the Rural Route, the round, grey building next to the vacant lot. And, the stories they have told me about your town would make a fat whore blush, if you'll pardon the colloquialism. (As a folk story collector, I do tend to let my colloquial dangle in the most embarrassing places.)
Beginning next week, I'll be starting an in-depth look into the history of your town. Weather permitting. I think you'll learn a lot. Laughing, crying and possibly stark, raving terrificness will be the order of the day!
Stay tuned! The Old Fun Stories of Turbot begin soon.
Yours,
Dr. Lipton Montgomery IV,
Folk Story Ethnologist
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