International Symposium on Super Heroism and...

...Super Villainy.

Presided over by Switzerland's only super hero - Neutral Man!

With Super Heroes : Castanet & Bongo

With Super Villains: Apocalypse Mistress & The Transgender Warrior

Neutral Man: I'm glad you could all make it here today. Let's start the day here: For those unfamiliar with you and your individual exploits, please enlighten us. Castanet?

Castanet: Thank you, Neutral. I'm Castanet, 1/2 of the team of Castanet & Bongo. We've been a superhero team for seven years now. Our battles include tussles with Bad Man, Pepe Villa, Achilles and etc. I'm 6' 1", 153 lbs, blue eyes, my hair is auburn and when I'm not working, I design things. Bongo?

Bongo: Crime fighting is the way I strive to find the natural balance inside myself. Finding the spot from where all my peace flows. Some find it through art. Some find it through their children. Obviously, I found it through crime fighting.

Neutral Man (NM): Esoteric but interesting. Thank you.

Bongo: Castanet had already said everything practical. I was strapped for chatter.

NM: Super. Villains, please. Apocalypse Mistress?

Apocalypse Mistresss (AM): Thank you, Neutral. I have been a Super Villain on and off, for three years now. Orignially, I was the sidekick for Terminal! The man whose touch brings death! With my discovery of the Apocalypse Switch, these things have changed.

NM: Do you have the Apocalypse Switch with you?

[AM holds up the small wooden box with the Apocalypse Switch in it.]

Castanet: Oh no. Why did you bring that here?

Bongo: What would possess you to bring that to a peaceful discussion?

[AM looks shocked.]

AM: Of course I brought it. I trust the cleaning people at the hotel with this? HA!

Transgender Warrior: What if they flipped the switch? For fun?

[There is a chorus of "God Forbids!"]

AM: Exactly! That's why it's here.

[Castanet and Bongo back down.]

AM: Where was I?

{The transcriber refuses to place anything else in Bold.}

NM: I think you'd finished. Transgender Warrior?

Transgender Warrior (TW): Hello. I'm the Transgender Warrior. Practicing non-gender specific villainy for almost ten years now.

Castanet: I'd no idea it was 10 years.

TW: This December.

Castanet: Wow! What d'you know? We'll throw you a party.

TW: Castanet, you are the most conscientious of the super heroes.

Castanet: Thank you.

Bongo: Can we get back to the talk?

TW: Sorry. As far as super powers go, I have none.

AM: Oh, don't say that! You've got inner power.

TW: Thanks.

Castanet: I agree. Although we don't fight on the same side, I still think you're morally sound.

Bongo: Well, I think you're morally goofy. All three of you. Could we discuss the topic at hand?

NM: Yes. First order of business. Super Heroism. What, intrinsically, is the nature of a hero?

Bongo: A self-worth question?

NM: More archetypal.

Bongo: Gotcha.

[Pause. All assembled look at Bongo.]

Bongo: Hey, how about you give me a mnute?

AM: Most heroes I've discovered have a real ridiculous goody-goody feel to them. I think it's probably from not having enough love at home or in their daily life.

NM: You think heroism stems from a necessity for a sort of need for love that they just don't receive regularly. So, they use the adulation they receive heroically to compensate for that.

AM: Yes.

Castanet: I would agree...for certain heroes. I think "Everything Man and the Important Squad!!!" are in that category. Bongo and I have different...reasons.

AM: What?

Castanet: Generally, I see all evildoers as a royal pain in the ass. Disrupting order and all that. It's our job to restore the order.

Bongo: Agreed. I do just fine in the love and affection department. I don't think I'm specifically "good" or "bad". I just fight on the side that saves lives and doesn't hurt people.

TW: I don't think I specifically want to kill or hurt.

Bongo: Well, you have.

TW: I'm more for disrupting the stultifying order that everyone becomes hypnotized into following. Specifically sexually.

Bongo: Oh, that's a pile.

TW: What? It's true!

Bongo: Pile.

[TW and Bongo start to tussle. Castanet and NM try to calm them.]

Castanet: Bongo, calm down!

NM: Boys, cut it out!

TW: Boys!

[After a moment, AM sighs. She takes out the Apocalypse Switch.]

AM: Guys, come on! Guys, look!

[They see the switch. AM's hand poised to flip it and destroy the world. The fighting stops.]

NM: Thank you.

[More transcript follows]