Vote for Me, Ron Kelly!

Hello, Ronald Thomas Kelly here. I'm running for First Selectman of Turbot in the November election. Maybe you've heard of me.

Most of you may know me as the Town Swell. I'm always over at Ornette's with a smile and a beer in my hand. I worked 28 years over at Grey's Beef Plant. I was a Marinater and eventually moved on to Marketing and then management. Mr. Grey and I used to enjoy each other's company on the golf course every other month.

My wife, Hildy, passed two years ago. I have not remarried because her memory is too strong. Sadly, we never had children. But, we collected pictures of children. Hundreds of them line the walls of our trailer. And, each one has a name. Maybe you know them...Steven, James, Wallace, Thom, Jenny, Maitland, Rene, Trix, Bern, Tomlin, Horace, Winchester 7, Odie, Gunnar, Lars, Champlaign, Thurs, Rudge, Sam, Kenny, Morris and many more. All with names. It's not that tough to acquire hundreds of pictures of children. Just give me a call at the Town Hall and ask how Hildy and I accomplished it.

Before I go, I want to dispel some rumors that have been "making the rounds" down here. I do have claw marks all down my back. Surgery has reduced the swelling and the unsightliness. I don't deny any of that. Two years ago, I was attacked by some sort of animal in Old Hagar's Swamp. But, I got away. I watched it leap onto a branch to try to get at me. I saw the branch snap. I saw the brown shape sink into the bog, howling. All that happened. I'm just here to say that I am fine. There is no truth to the rumors that the attack affected me in any way. Yes, I don't sleep on my back and sometimes I can't sleep at all. But, I've had insomnia for years. It is a pre-existing condition in no way relating to the events of that night. The attack has not, in any way, deterred me from living a happy life. In her last days, Hildy took great care of me. Until the day she went missing, I was her prime concern. Our love is still strong.

Turbot needs a strong First Selectman. Someone who will take no bull from those hotshots in Washington. I'm your man. I survived dropsy as a child, hair loss as a teen and a brutal attack by a strange animal in middle age. I should be your first, your only, choice!

Ron Kelly, First Selectman! It's the right thing to do! Isn't it?

Paid for by The Committee to Elect Ron Kelly