I don't want to get you down, Fat Backs! But, Rod Berman not only does not listen to Tool but he is a Tool! So says Tim Patrick, the Black Metal Listening God!!!!
All you Hellspawn know where I'm tearing it from here...It rained like Satan's Thursday all last week!
Our trailer got washed into the freakin' SwampAss Swamp! Can you believe it? Satan, why have you pulled this crap with me!!!!
So, I get them out and I head over (with Mom and Nana Sue) to the Berman's trailer. It's bigger and, yeah, maybe it smells better. But ours stinks of Hellfire and Brimstone and Hemlock and Satan, so we've got our reasons!
We get there and I've got my Phat Rack of Black Metal CD's. Oh yes! Rock with me! Duh...duh...duh...d-duh...duh...duh...Lepers! All right. I throw on the latest Enslaved (Isa!!!) and start jumping around Rod's nook. Well, his maaaaaaaa (maaaaa!) tells me to "Turn that down!" His dad laughs at it. He thinks it's goofy. I tell him "Since when have Vikings been goofy singing heavy metal, old man!" After I was done sitting in the corner, I put on some Graveland. (YEAHHH!) Well, what does the 'Boneman' family do?
You got it, Tank. "What is this?" Blah blah blah. "Polish Black Metal!" I yelled. (I let out a "Yeahhh!" here.) So, Mr. 'Boneman' tells the one about the Polack with one arm waving to his relatives from a tree and the one about the Polack at the optometrist. They're funny but, WTC?! I can't spend five minutes listening to Fascist Black Metal without getting one from the back.
Come on! Rod is laughing the whole time! He gets out his CD's and we're listening to The Eagles! Oh My Lord! How Evil do I have to be here!? I pretended like I was throwing up by putting my finger in my mouth and making barf noises.
Well, a minute later, I really threw up my Vienna Sausages all over their stereo and a sweater that Mrs. Berman was knitting for Rod. This time I was sent outside until I cooled down.
Next time this happens, I'm running away! Yeah, you heard me! I'm taking my CD's and my Awesome Attitude and I'm going to Ovid or somewhere were they're gonna appreciate me!
'Bonemans!' I hate you! Rod, what happened man? Did your Mom throw out your good music?
Oh Dark One, Grant All My Wishes! Let Me Rock In Hell!!!!!!!!
(That's a picture of the Bermans, by the way. No. I'm kidding. It is Gorgoroth. Do they rock? You can bet your cheeks they do!)
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