Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Cyril P. Reviews an "Oldie But Newie!"

It’s funny. I watch a movie. It’s good for you. The memory of that movie is forever emblazoned on the mind. But, Hollywood makes a lot of movies. They constantly press forward, changing and refining ideas. Ideas that are important to them and us. Movie after movie floods my head. So, after 100 or more, I don’t retain exact memories of each movie. I retain the strains of thought from each and the build-up of intertwining moral and social threads. However, the individual moments all mold together into one. Luckily, Hollywood has found a solution. (Did you think they wouldn’t?) This mighty fixative? Remaking (with slightly subtle differences) films we’ve previously seen.

I haven’t watched “Halloween” in about five years. But, it doesn’t matter. Because I’ve just seen “Offerings.” The exact same movie but without a lot of the scares. Let’s be honest, it’s very tough to ingest the message when you can’t stop shriekin’! Know what I mean?

So, I present you now with “Offerings.”

We’ve seen it before. So, it makes everything a little easier.

Small town. The opening is certainly different. A little mute boy kills a relative. Granted, that’s not the part that’s different. The different part is how they present it. This new piece introduces the little girl who becomes a major part of the film.

“Ten Years Later”

The young woman has the house to herself. She has a friend who enjoys sex. The nutty fella has escaped from the loony bin (with a doctor in hot pursuit) and is going for the young woman whose name is nothing I currently remember. Let’s call her Sue-Anne. Sue-Anne is given “offerings’ from the crazy guy. An ear, a nose, a head, etc. He loves her, whereas Michael Meyers in “Halloween” seems to want to kill the girl.

I think this is what’s happened: We learn as we go. In “Halloween,” the young innocent is presented as the center of the stalk. She is what he is after. And, this has been the template for what has happened since. Some variation of that has permeated through each one of these. If the world is flat works for the best and brightest, why shouldn’t it work for me?

Well, they’ve re-thought their case. Our psychopathic innocent is now on the same level with our real innocent. He doesn’t want to hurt her. He wants to give her gifts and make sure she’s happy. Their re-alignment of this once over-the-top theme is very interesting. In the past, one saw the innocent making it to the end simply because she or he was the last one killed. Now, the innocent survives because the psycho doesn’t want to kill her.

Folks, the new thing is here! This is THE most important part of our new variation. Keep it in mind.

But, that wasn’t much of a review.

In Oklahoma (don’t make me sing it), some teens are having a heck of a time. It seems a boy they once picked on and pushed down a well is back to kill them. The funny thing is that the well doesn’t kill the boy or really seem to hurt him at all. The prologue ends with him falling in and the kids running away. Except for one little girl. His friend, Sue-Anne.

Well, then we get the “10 Years Later” and they tell us that that night the boy came out of the well and killed and ate his mom. That’s why he was put away. The well apparently sparked it and...really I don’t know. The events in the opening relate to the movie but not what got him put away. So, anyway...

“Ten Years Later”
The boy who was pushed in the well is coming to kill the kids who pushed the boy in the well. Except for the girl he likes (Sue-Anne). But, really, she was just there. She didn’t have anything to do with it.

Crazy McFriend squeezes one head in a vice, cuts a throat in a car, hangs one guy, decapitates a gal and so forth. And, that’s the line up. It feels like something we’ve seen before but we know we haven’t seen this.

In closing: Be good.

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